What is possibility thinking?
Consider that it’s the space between the question and the answer.
As soon as you settle on the answer possibility thinking is done.
One of the greatest challenges is staying in the realm of the possible long enough to sort through what you already know, think, and feel to finally gain access to the unknown.
This is an act of spiritual stamina. Why? Well if you’re like me you’re in a hurry to solve the problem that threw you into the land of what if, as if it’s prickly and cramped instead of spacious and expanded.
When I’m in a spin of thinking, I have to slow down.
And stay in possibility longer than I’m comfortable.
Recognizing that the level of thinking that got me where I am today, no matter how great, is not sufficient to take me where I want to go. Read more...
I hear voices. Don’t worry. They’re not anyone else’s voice. They’re all mine!
These voices are part of the way I think and act. Here are just a few.
An action voice: Decide. Make a choice. Fulfillment is in the action you take right now. Just do it!
A reflective voice: What do you see now? What can you learn? Pause before you make a choice and consider fulfillment for yourself and others.
An analytical voice: What happened? What are the facts? What’s possible?
A compassionate voice: Tell the truth with love. Appreciate what you have. Speak kind words. Let it go.
Then in the midst of a relaxing massage, when the therapist was gently working through some tight knots in my shoulders, a painful memory popped up in perfect rhythm with the manipulation and stretching movement of the therapist’s hands. My compassionate voice noticed and said, “Just let it go.” I breathed that message in and with a quiet exhalation relaxed more deeply. Read more...
I mediated a conflict the other day and dropped easily into a field of awareness that has come with 35 years of practice. I wasn’t there to solve the problem; I was there to allow balance in the relationships so solutions could emerge.
Someone noted how easy it was for me to see what was going on for people. For me there was only energy present and I could ride the energy like a wave and bring what was real present. It’s a practice born out of not being attached to a particular outcome and instead holding the highest good in mind.
A skill that seems easy to others often reveals a commitment to practice.
What can practice teach us about happiness? Read more...
I live in a modern 5-story Santa Monica building with my husband. All the conveniences of a security building with in-apartment washers and dryers, a refrigerator with filtered water spouts and ice, both crushed and cubed. Key fobs and codes to get into the entrance or the underground parking. I walk out the front door and am running down the road watching the sun come up over Santa Monica Boulevard.
I loved it until the new tenants moved in one floor above us.
The people above us are heavy walkers. Did I say heavy, I mean stompers!
At first it was just plain annoying and then became disturbing. In accordance with my views on complaining, I immediately turned my complaint into a request of our landlord. A wonderful and sympathetic lady who nodded her head and said she understood our dilemma and would ask the folks upstairs to be cognizant of their footfalls. Not much hope of a change when she also said it’s a common complaint and she hears the people above her as well. Read more...
Are You Listening?
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who responded in a way that suggested they heard something different from what you actually said? Some might call this a miscommunication — Nicole Mercolino, an intuitive coach, calls this “selective listening”. She told me:
“You know you’re speaking with someone who has selective listening when blame or excuses seem to be the name of the game. When I present Active vs. Selective Listening as a key aspect to successful communication, I often find the initial response is a quizzical look, followed by:
What do you mean by Active vs. Selective Listening? I hear what you’re saying… doesn’t that mean I’m listening?
No, actually, it doesn’t. Active Listening requires that you shut off your internal voice that is trying to hastily figure out how to respond. Why do you have to figure out how to respond before you respond? Here are the usual suspects that identify when you stopped listening. You’re not listening because you’re more concerned with: Read more...
A savvy young manager was telling me that his colleague was starting to speak in a CYA kind of mode. Then he hesitated and asked me, “Do you know what CYA means?” I laughed saying, “Cover your ass!”
Relieved to know I knew what he was talking about, he went on to tell me that he asked his colleague why he didn’t just tell the truth.
I stopped laughing, and thought that indeed, the best strategy is to tell the truth.
You tell the truth because those listening can:
- Understand the problem
- Look into what’s possible
- Support you in making a decision
- Fit what happened into a larger context
- Tell you what they’re thinking that you didn’t already know
- Count on you for reliable information
And yes, they might get irritated too! But it’s like ripping off the Band-Aid. Get it over with. Read more...
Think of someone you judge as negative. You see them coming, you groan, and steel yourself against the onslaught you know is coming whether it’s directed at you or others.
I’m here to remind you to relax and take a breath. You don’t have control over other people.
You can complain about them, but what does that bring you?
- Commiseration from friends
- Advise from colleagues
- “Don’t take it personally!” from well meaning associates
- An entrenched judgment that change isn’t possible
Then there’s the negativity you direct towards yourself. Your own stinking thinking that consists of not measuring up.
There is a remedy! And it’s not hard; it just takes focus and practice.
First understand what negativity means to you when you use it to complain about another person or yourself. You may be using it as a catchword to describe what might be better reported as: Read more...
I am in the popcorn business. Shelf life is important. We have space-age packaging that preserves the life of the popped corn. But open the bag and if you don’t reseal it, you lose the protective properties of the packaging, and expose the corn to outside conditions like moisture and air.
So we give you instructions on how to keep your popcorn fresh!
Because I’m a philosopher at heart, it struck me that most of us go in and out of happiness as if it had a shelf life. Do you have conditions that need to be met to be happy, like the shelf life of popcorn? Or can you be more unconditional in your approach.
How do you allow your happiness to be fresh and accessible each day? Read more...
I’ve worked for more than half my life. I can see when people love their work. They bring an ability to solve any problem. They plan for the unexpected by leaning in to problems and asking questions. They don’t fear information or contrary ideas.
Others love to be around them. They inspire with their unstoppable ability to create a new path.
They are not afraid of obstacles or conflict.
Over the years I’ve observed countless conflicts. Conflicts based on differences of values, styles, and expectations. I’ve observed conflicts that have the potential to sink a business or a relationship.
What I have also observed is how these conflicts resolve when one person brings love to the table. Love, not fear … they may not love the person because so many of us have love confused with an emotion. But they love the game, and they have compassion for each other. Read more...
I can hazard a guess that we’ve all had moments that we wished we could erase from our lives, and also moments where we were giddy with happiness.
On balance, we deal with what shows up and file it away as useful, wonderful, or awful.
The past is useful for learning lessons, seeing patterns, and identifying trends. But don’t live there … either in your successes or your failures. In one, you feel the memory of fulfillment, and in the other you feel the regret.
What happens if you try to hold on to the past? You get indigestion! You get an ache in your soul. How do you use the past instead of allowing it to use you? Digest it!
It’s a meal. Some meals are easier to digest. Some are harder to digest. Either way absorb the best of it and eliminate the rest of it so your body can function in the here and now. Read more...