Monthly Archives: May 2010


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um-060110-emailThe best practices in relationships are shared interests, acceptance, and making time to be together. When any of these practices fade, watch out for the big 3 that can begin a decline in relationship value and quality!

1. Negligence
2. Disinterest
3. Contempt

Negligence means that you are making other things more important. While this may be rooted in what you think needs to be done, it can begin a slide of disinterest of what matters to the other person, and then rolling your eyes in thought or form, and being contemptuous of what they want or need.

Disinterest can wiggle in when you notice that once funny stories become boring repetitions of what you already know. Habit replaces adventure, comfort replaces change, and reading replaces conversation. read more

Something About Love

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um-052510-emailThe word love in the English language has so many meanings. Did you know that it comes from a root shared by the Sanskrit term lubhyati and Latin libido, both meaning desire? Attraction, affection, and appreciation come to mind when thinking about love. So does giving and placing value on others’ happiness.

I’ve heard people say that they love too much. I don’t think you can love too much when the foundation is wholehearted, complete, and without limitation. This is not to be confused with a dysfunctional need to be loved or to sacrifice what you want at every turn, finding yourself with the inability to be happy, make requests or say no. Instead, think about an unconditionality that contributes to your spiritual growth and happiness. read more


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um-051810-emailBy their very presence, entrepreneurs demonstrate the ability to bring something from nothing into the world, as if by magic. But there’s no sleight of hand here. If you watch closely you can see the secret ingredients for success, and what seems mysterious begins to reveal a recipe that if replicated, produces winning outcomes time after time.

I have the pleasure of working with two such entrepreneurs, Wally and Kathy Arnold at Popcornopolis. Kathy was conducting training for new franchisees from Las Vegas, and I saw her staff in action working in the store, coaching the new folks, and interacting with customers all in the beautiful dance of retail.

It got me thinking about what entrepreneurs can teach us, and I thought I’d pass along the insights I’ve gained. read more


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um-051110-emailI was taking an unhurried walk in Santa Barbara last week, and as I slowly breathed in, I recognized the captivating scent of night blooming jasmine. And sure enough, just around the corner, I found the plant growing wildly over a fence.

Every once in awhile, I find myself reacting from impatience, and in that moment of slowing down, I wondered if it had a scent as recognizable as night blooming jasmine. I’ve often experienced my trait of impatience as a sharpening of senses that brings an undeniable attention to the moment. Instead of being irritable or restless, I tell myself to slow down, be patient, and listen. But impatience can sneak up on me like a thirst for a certain result with a short-lived sense of triumph when I succeed, followed by the inescapable impression of force over influence. read more


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um-050410-emailI was visiting with my sister last week, and we got to talking about the state of the world. She said, “What we need is a little more TLCC.” I responded, “tender loving care?” And she chuckled at her own spin on the acronym and said, “Not exactly. TLCC stands for tolerance, love, compassion, and civility.”

As soon as I heard the T, I was nodding my head in agreement. My sis is appalled at the lack of tolerance in the world for differences of any kind … of faith, marriage partners, or just differences of ideas.

A collision of ideas doesn’t necessarily create conflict. It can create curiosity, inquiry, and spirited debate. What keeps conflict in place is a lack of tolerance; it’s the unwillingness to allow a different idea to exist without the need to annihilate it. read more